Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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