Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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