It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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