Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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