Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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