So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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