This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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