eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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