you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
