so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
