Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
