i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
