I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
