Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
They are going to name an STD after you.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
