I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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