I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Randomize
