im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Can I ask u a weird question?
do u have the hershy squirts too?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches