Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
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She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
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When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house