Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.