she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads