is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!