I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
