Duck Duck Cougar?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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