This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
