Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
