my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
