mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
