Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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