can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
