Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
