You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
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