god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
