Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
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I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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