why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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