the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
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He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
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You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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