I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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