How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
