No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
