Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
