every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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