I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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