My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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