Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My feet surprised me
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
