It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
