Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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