Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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