So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
