just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
