The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
