So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
