Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
