we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
birth control should be required to get into college
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
