For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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