exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
