Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
