Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
