It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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