Taylor Swift is so right about you.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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