He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
