I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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