I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
