Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
