i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
