I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
