Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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