I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Your cock deserves a montage
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
