I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
